THE ADVOCATE 517
VOL. 76 PART 4 JULY 2018
A BARRISTER’S GUIDE
TO IMAGINARY COCKTAILS*
By Brad Daisley
The Novice Lacrimosa will be one of the most common cocktails
served during your junior years. Its recipe is usually based on
the drinker’s personal circumstances, but the ingredients
always include conspicuous portions of professional frustration
and youthful enthusiasm. Served ice cold with several dashes of bitters,
it is standard fare for the junior barrister.
“I’m really fed up, Nikki. I’ve been here two-and-a-half years
and the partners don’t even know I exist. I hope I get to work
on something a little more challenging soon.”
“I’m in the same place, David, and it’s even worse when you’re
a woman. All they give me is single moms trying to collect
from deadbeat dads. I’ve got an engineering degree, but do I get
construction files? Noooo.”
“If I weren’t so busy, I’d suggest we continue this discussion
over a drink. But I’m probably going to be here all night.”
Tocsin-Becomes-Knell is the name of a potent cocktail whose full impact
is not recognized until long after it is consumed. The name is its ingredients:
the alarm bell that turns funereal without the drinker realizing it. A
typical example most barristers will understand is when a judge says,
“Counsel, I understand your submissions” and you mistake this for
acknowledgement of your intelligence and continue. It is not until the
judgment is released that you realize you were drunk on your own selfassurance,
that your argument was doomed and that the judge was telling
you to close your book. Away from the office, many people add a few drops
of willful blindness to avoid the sour aftertaste.
“Why so glum, Nikki?”
“Victor has to work late again. Fourth night in a row. And now
he and a woman from his Edmonton office have to go to San
* This story won second place in the Advocate’s 2017 short fiction competition.